Beyond The Madding Crowd

How I created my CALM

As some of you know, prior to being The Calm Coach, I worked for the University of Oxford for almost 15 years (1994 – 2008). In that time I only worked for 2 units but managed to move from a low clerical grade to middle management.

In 2002 I was offered a new high-profile job and a major new challenge within the University. I knew I needed to change my job because I had become stale in my old role, and somehow I had persuaded this new group to give me an opportunity to set up a whole new unit.

This was a major league change for me and although somewhere deep inside of me I had the belief that I could do it, I also had that nagging thought at the back of my mind that I might get “found out”. What if I wasn’t good enough?

 

Externally I was giving off the aura of calm and being in control but inside I was quaking in my shoes and really worried that this was all a big mistake and I had over-stepped my abilities by taking on this role. I was totally stressed out and worried about this continually.

 

Something had to change.

 

Not wanting to fail or to lose face with my new boss, I had to prove to him and the world that I was the right person for the job, so what I needed to do was to become calm both on the outside and the inside.

 

What did I do?

 

I created systems and strategies and used my current knowledge and skills to make this new unit not only function but to be the best it could be.

 

• I sought advice from other people in the institution who I knew and trusted

• I used my network of contacts to build a support base

• I developed a system for student record management

•  I updated my skills in finance and other areas and developed systems to make this work for me

• I went on a postgraduate management course

• I treated everyone as equals – academics, administrative staff and students- and gained respect from each of them

• I went the extra mile in everything I did in order to make it work

As this was a totally new venture for me and the University, I had to create lots of new systems and strategies for it to work. I not only found out that I could actually do this and was pretty good at it but that others now looked upon me as the person to talk to for advice on setting up similar units. What a turn around.

 

So, for me, the essential part of creating my CALM was all about removing the chaos in my head in order for me to function at my best and for my true potential to shine and make a success of my new role.

 

If you think that you would benefit from creating calm in your life why not check-out my website at The Calm Coach

When Enough is Enough - Where would you go?

Do you ever feel like just running away or just stopping for a while? I know I do.

 

We live in such a fast-paced, hectic and chaotic world that every so often it can become just too much to cope with.

 

So where would you go – either physically or in your mind?

 

Physically

 

You may be quite limited in your options but here are a few that you might consider depending on your circumstances:-

 

1 -  Go for a walk (long or short)

2 -  Do some physical exercise

3 -  Do some retail therapy (even just window shopping)

4 - Take a short break away (one day or longer)

5 - Have a holiday

 

Mentally

 

It is usually easier to travel somewhere in your mind. Here are a few suggestions:-

1 -  Listen to some music

2 -  Read a good book

3 - Find a quiet space – inside or out

4 – Visualisation – imagine a magical place in your mind’s eye

5 – Journal – write about your favourite place (real or imagined)

6 – Meditation – clear your mind of all stray thoughts

 

Where do I go?

 

I travel to southern Sicily (in my mind). I feel the heat of the sun, see the fruit and nut trees, the vineyard, hear the sea, and feel the sand between my toes.

Inside my “country house” I see the decoration in the house in fine detail; I open the windows and green shutters and marvel at the new life I am leading in such a magical place.

 

So where do you or would you go?

 

Let me know, I would love to hear about your travels – real or imagined!

Calm Living

 

I am always taken aback by just how much most of us – particularly in the western world – seem to be living for tomorrow rather than today.

 It is almost as though we have written-off today and that tomorrow will always be better.

 

Now I am not saying that tomorrow won’t be better or that thinking positively is a bad thing, but if we just took time to appreciate what we have today then tomorrow will take care of itself.

 

I have as short saying/ poem on my office wall which states:

 

Yesterday is HISTORY

Tomorrow is a MYSTERY

Today is a GIFT

That’s why we call it The PRESENT

 

It acts as a constant reminder to me not to forget all the good things I have in my life right now, right this minute and to be truly grateful for all of them.

 

So remembering to live in the here and now is always a good thing, but what else might you consider doing to bring a sense of CALM into your day?

 

I have a number of tools that I use for getting me to tune into myself and refocus on what I am doing.

 

1 – Deep Breathing, also know as the “Haa” Breathing technique

Take a long slow deep breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, hold it for 2 seconds and then release it by breathing out through your mouth and making a “Haa” sound. Repeat this 3 times.

 

This not only gets you to focus on just one thing (your breathing) but gives more oxygen to the body and the brain. The result is that you feel instantly calmer and more focussed and less anxious than you did before.

 

You can repeat this as and when you need to throughout the day and no-one will really know that you are doing anything except they will find a calmer more centred you.

 

2 – Visualisation

The brain cannot differentiate between a real or an imagined event. Therefore using the power of visualisation means that you can take your mind on a short “vacation” of 2 or 3 minutes to a time or place where you felt really calm and relaxed.

 

All the good feelings you had when you were in that moment in time will come flooding back to you and you will regain an instant calmness about you.

 

I know that some of you are thinking that you are not very visual, but I would challenge you to close your eyes and think of your front door, really picture it in your minds eye – the colour, what it is made of, the shape/colour of any glass it may have, where the handle is situated, where the letterbox is situated etc.  I am sure you have a very clear picture of your front door right now – that is visualisation and we are all much better at it than we think we are.

 

3 – Meditation

 

This needn’t be a long meditation; it can be only a few minutes in duration but will be totally transformational.

 

Take yourself off to somewhere you know won’t be disturbed for 5 minutes, or just somewhere where sitting with your eyes closed won’t seem untoward.

 

When you have closed your eyes, take 3 deep breaths – in and out through the nose or using the Haa technique. When you are in a calm place in your mind, empty your mind of all your thoughts and imagine a white light radiating around you. This is your safety blanket. Keep yourself in this safe, calm and relaxed place for a few minutes. 

 

When you are ready take 3 more deep breaths and open your eyes. The process of emptying your mind of all those busy thoughts just for a few minutes is extremely calming and uplifting.

 

4 – Journaling

I am a strong advocate of journaling wherever I am. I always have a small notebook so that I can dump my brain onto paper and thus release any tension or negative feelings that I might be having.

 

I can be found journaling on the bus, on the train, but particularly just before I go to bed. I find that by “parking” all of those thoughts until morning allows me to get a better night’s sleep.

 

You can use any piece or paper or notebook you have to hand, but to make it more emphatic and more meaningful you could buy a special notebook just for your journal entries.

 

I hope that you find some or all of the calming techniques that I use helpful to you and even if you are a bit sceptical about them, give them a go and see what happens.

 

And Finally – Why not join me on Saturday 5^th September to find out more about Calm Living. I am hosting a Virtual Day to support you through your Calm Living journey.

 

During this inter-active day I will be sharing with you 4 of my very best strategies to bring back calm, peace and harmony to your day and your life.

 

Why not join me?

 

To find out more just go to Poised for Power 

 

I  look forward to speaking with you on Saturday!

 

Maureen

 

What's Stopping You??

Are you putting your life on hold or waiting for something to change before you take action?

 

I am a seasoned expert at this, how about you?

 

In the past I have put off buying new clothes until I have lost enough weight, or would only get behind the wheel of a car if it is was an absolute emergency etc.

 

So, were these actions positive? Did they support me? Did I feel better for having waited? NO, NO and NO!

 

The two questions that spring to mind are:

 

1. Why?

and

 

2. What’s stopping me?

 The answers I used to give were:

1. I am frightened of being seen by others
2. It’s my safety net
3. I like to be in the shadows rather than the limelight
4. I might not be perfect
5. What if people don’t like what they see
6. What if I make a mistake

These were all totally irrational self-defeating thoughts created by my over-active mind and imagination. What I should have been doing is “Feeling the Fear and doing it anyway!”

 

So, what’s stopping you?

 

How can you overcome your personal obstacles or limiting beliefs?

Here are a few suggestions:-

 

1. Get out of your own way!

This is a piece of exceptional advice that I was given some time ago and although I am not totally out of my own way just yet, I am well on the way.

 

2. Start believing in yourself!

You are a wonderful and unique human being and you should celebrate this fact and not try to avoid it or hide behind others. You have so much to offer the world that it is a crime to not share you with the world!

 

3. Think “I Can” (rather than I can’t)

When you start saying “yes” to things rather than no, then all sorts of new avenues open up for you and people see a whole new side to you that even you had forgotten existed. Go for it!

 

4. Be Yourself

Trying to be something you are not, or trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of you, or trying to be perfect all the time will only set you up for a fall. Try just being “You” for a change and see how good it makes you feel – awesome!

 

5. It’s OK to get it wrong

No-one, and I mean No-One is perfect – and that includes you. Everyone gets something wrong or feels like they could have done something better etc. However, if we were all perfect, wouldn’t it be a very boring and predictable world? Give yourself a break and stop beating yourself up when things don’t go exactly to plan – it’s normal.

 

It’s time to start living and stop waiting!

 

Just go for it!